WAIT AND BLEED.
im lonely
im listening to man who sold the world-david bowie
im ugly
im insecure
i dont feel loved
i dont want to feel loved
im possibly impotent
im hideous
im lonely
im pissed drunk
im pissed drunk n its onlyt ten in the morn n that scares me
i should b at work rt now
i have no future, no possibilities
i miss hope
i miss havng friends
i miss laughing, and drinking
i dont like my highs anymore
im alwyz on a bad trip
i have a mallu accent
i have black lips
i cant stop smoking n its killing me
i wish there were a faster way to die than lung cancer
im scared ill let people down
i let myself down so long ago living wt myself is like a broken marriage
i abuse myself physically, menatlly, emotionally and it makes me feel good about myself
i havnet felt good about myself since tenth grade
people make me feel shitty
i know nobody really gives a fuck about me but thats ok
i wouldnt like myself much either if i were u
i crack jokes coz it makes me feel less inadequate
i think my parents let me down
im ashamed of evrythng i have and am
im not cool
i wish i were athletic
i wish i had a better body and better hair and better face
i wish i were rich
i think money brings happiness
i want to quit smoking
i wish i were prayerful
i dont belive in anything
i think sachin tendulkar throws games
i think theres life in outer space
i think the soul is a myth.i think we die and thats it
i wish i had enuff balls to kill myself
i wish i were somewre where nobdy knows men i dont hav to b me
i wish i was somebody else
im probably a lil sadistic to my girlfriend
im not sure i can be faithful to anyone or anybdy for very long and that scares me
im probably a lil sadistic to anybody at all that loves me
im a throwback to my dad, n its becoming more obvious evyrday that im more like him but ill nevr be half as successful as him and it pisses me off that im such a fuck-up
ive become a garbage bin for evrything society discards-im the bum, the wasted poet, the exploited community, the banyan tree in kesavadasapuram junction they cut down coz it was too old and took up too much space
i feel 60 years old and i look 13
i wish i had facial hair
im a victim of over-rating parents and teachers
im more guilty than i let on
im probably more guilty than anything alse
im really sick of life
i hate that you can read my innermost fears here
i hate that i want you to read them here
i hate that im putting my thoughts down on the fucking internet
im just gonna go now
posted by ninetieschild @ 10:34 AM
6 Comments:
ok.. at times i feel like this.. but they are mood swings.. and like everything in life they too pass away.
but the last few lines i can totally relate to.. i mean i think i write my fears so people can read them. but at the same time i hate my self for opening up to them. especially people who i dont freakin know.
yeah well welcome to my world..thats pretty much hw i am all d time..tho i was extremly pissed the day i posted this..was scary being drunk at ten in the morning wen i shdve been at work..a job i dont even like..its just easier to loathe away thn do anythng abt it i guess..
you know i take that back its worse opening yourself to people you know. it makes you more vulnerable. like a sitting duck perhaphs..??
and if you dont like your job moving on is an option...
just a question.. not trying to patronize..
no its cool..i quit my job a week ago btw..now im sittin at home evn more pissedoff wt myself..its embarassing askin ur dad for money ..he was running a family wen he was my age..anywys..
umm..isnt blogging kinda 'not realluy exposing urself?" i mean letting it out here means u dont talk to anyone real..n who cares wt random ppl from the net who dont evn know u think..thats the beauty of it all isnt it..its a commitment free reltnshp..wen ive had enuff i simply switch off my comp n walk away..
hey jus saw the comment.. yeah tht is what i meant dude... my second comment.. tht its more difficult to open up to the poeple u know.. coz then they wil know what u actually feel.. damn.
but about the walking away part.. sometimes u connect more with people online than u do in real lfe. that is a major fuck up of life. virtual reality. and walking away at times is like ur truning away form the few things that u can totally relate to.
..soemtimes only.. ;)
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