DESPERATELY SEEKING VENUS

this is actually an after-thought i had after reading 50paise's comment..i havnt really thought this thru..im just gonna expand as i type..50paise said :"you seem to be givin birth to a new blog evrydy" or somthng to that effect..the first thing that struck me was that it was an extremely funny thing to say..next came..wow, this is the closest ill come to actually havng a baby..i mean fatherhood must be awesome (or miserable, in the case of my dad) but the actual process of giving birth-of being responsible for bodily bringing new life into this world- can never possibly be understood fully in all its implications n joy by a man..or a woman who hasnt actually delivered a baby right..? i mean u carry this living breathing lil bundle in ur womb for nearly ten months, then u contract n relax and push n pull n swear n pray n cry thru an incredible ten-thirteen hours in the anti-septic confines of a labour room and out comes a baby..not that id want to go thru that but hell, it must be awesome..what a curious mixture of pain and pleasure it must be..this then, this privilege n honour that women have monopolised since time immorial is what we spend our lives trying to taste a fraction of..artists, writers, musicians, we're all fellow travellers in that journey..the only destination we seek is that of the joy of creation..most of us not even aware of what it is we are actually craving but all of us led by that most natural of jealousies..knowing fully well that we will nevr quite achieve what it is we are after but looking, looking..trying to create life and beauty thru the canvases we paint, the words we write, the songs we sing..all in a desperate bid to create..to feel what it must really be like to be a woman..Mother..
its the only reason sterile economists and self-sufficient m.b.a.s and roguish politicians all break into song in the shower, or tap their feet to a lost melody or doodle on scrap paper or talk to thier plants..because in the end, the most natural of our instincts is maternal..its our first collective memory..the warmth of a bosom, the tender touch of a loving hand to ur bruised knee, cajoles and hugs and the smell of sundays' chicken biriyani..its also what we all aspire to become..atleast on some hidden level ..we struggle through most of adolescence n adulthood trying in vain to fill papa's shoes because ur mother seems to love him so..then u actually try to be her..to feel what she feels..
i wonder if its more personal than that..i wonder if we all want to be our own mothers..or do we just want the illusion of motherhood in general? probably the latter..i certainly belive that u subconciously look for ur mother in ur woman..the one ud like to settle down with anyway..which is just another way of ensuring ur proximity to ur mother isnt it..and i think women know we do that..which must be why in evry relationship, the woman plays the maternal role atleast at some point..the real question is: is having a girlfriend or wife our way of dejectedly settling for second-best? once we realize its quite impossible to actually BE Mother..? probably so..but we continue to try..drawing and writing and making tunes..when all we really want is a uterus..