GETTIN JIGGY WIT POP

saturday nite...chrst i cant even bring myself to say it..i had my most intimate interaction with a man yet..why did i just say YET?? and before u gasp or rub urself in anticipation..wtvr ur type...it was with my father!
yes, my dad! it was awful...he had to leave for dubai on the 7 am flight on sunday..and as luck would have it, i was the only other person at home..sis n mom at kottayam..so i was assigned the dubious task of...well, ill get to that after a little background detail..

now my normal relationship wt my father is based on a simple theory i like to call 'staying-out-of-each-other's-way'..its a wonderful theory n it works well for me..i wake up after he leaves for work..he comes home..i retire to my room..its a nice arrangemnt..im not sure my father is too happy wt it..hes more of a hugs-n-kisses person..but something abt somebody's facial hair tickling my neck, while a fifty-year old iron paunch pushes me up agnst the wall freaks me out..so strangers-in-living-room it is..except when we accidentally bump into each other by the TV or the terrace ( me smoke, him yoga, i go-go) when the script runs along the lines of:

moi: appa...
him: mone..good morning..those bastard neighbours smoking on their terrace agen..i can smell it out here..
moi: hmm..
him: so wt plans for the day? are u doing something constructive wt ur life?
moi: hmm...
him: can u help me do the yogashtana yamahasuraiyya asanastha? just sit on my knees while i try to get up n into a sitting position..
moi: i need to take a dump...
him: well, a man's gotta go what he's gotta go haha. run along then. see u at breakfast?
moi: hm..hmm..
him: next week?
moi: hmm..ok..
him: bye mone..eat well ok..vegetables n fruits very important in the summer..dehydration..avian flu...constructive things..life..

see what i mean? anyway, i knew something was in the air the moment he asked me to help him pack, a sis-n-mom area of speciality normally. i complied, keeping wt my anti-confrontational policy. into the suitcase went tie, suit, shirt, under-garments all neatly folded by over-worked me. he seemed a little less sure of himself, more fidgety than usual n i wondered what the hell was going on. maybe he changed his will n left me nothing? not so easy.

him: so ur mom n sis not here.
moi: hmm...
him: nobody here..just the 2 of us..nobody else..
moi: hmm..
him: listen i need u to do something for me. u understand i would hav asked mom if she were here, but shes not n these things r like itches, u hav to get them out of ur system or ull be frustrated for ever..
moi: hmm...HMM??!!
him: dye me
moi: TIE YOU??!!
him: dye. can u help me dye my hair n moustache? see its really easy, just add five teaspoons of water to this powder a apply lightly with this brush...

he wanted me to dye his hair! ohgodohgodohgod. this was a big step for me. i mean we had been talking the last three -four days, once in a while in the living room, or at the gate when i was locking it for the nite n he was taking a stroll. but dye his hair? after four days? i didnt know if i was ready for that yet. i wasnt sure if i wanted to take our fledgling relationship to the next levl yet. deep breaths u fuckface deep breaths.

i tried to be clinical abt it. he was a nice guy, he pays for me, he puts up wt all my anti-social behavior, he evn remembrs my birthday, sometimes he brings flowers for my mom. ok now the cons. he's a guy. hes a guy. hes a GUY!

i looked up at his slightly flared nostrils (we nevr make eye-contact-i shld write a book on successful relationships) and fought off the urge to run for the hills. or a motel.

moi: yes appa, lets do it in the bathroom though.
him: thank u. im a very lucky man.

as it turned out, u dont dye in 'five easy steps'. u DIE in five easy steps. water added to powder, i picked up the brush and applied it lightly to his salt-n-pepper hair. i wished i had a smoke, that might hav made me less nervous, my hand wouldnt stop shaking.

him: nothing to be nervous about, mone. the first times alwyz the scariest, but ull get used to it. just take it easy.
moi: hmm...

the dye kept dripping down his head n onto his neck and my attempts at blotting it wt the brush didnt work so well either. so he came up wt something else.

him: here just use a swab of cotton to wipe it off, n put some ponds cream on it immediately or itll stay that way for a week.
moi: hmm..

more massaging action then! awesuuum!

hair sooty n young, i readied myself for the big one. the moustache. my face 4 inches from his, nostrils exchanging oxyegn-carbon dioxide combos, we remained. me standing, him on the stool, nerves like live-wires. the next twenty minutes are a blur, i cant remebr much, except the deep feeling of relief at the end, its over, fin. i stretched and yawned, too embarassed to look at him, shoe-gazing. (well, feet-gazing, if u want to get all technical about it)

him: that was wonderful. u make me feel so young again. we should do it again sometime.
moi: hmm..

and that was the end of solomon grundy. u wish! to follow was greater ignominy. on his way out, he slipped a five hundred rupee note in my hand. if u need anything when im gone, he said. pretty woman, am i?!

but i confess i felt a sense of loss as he stepped into the car, hair n mush gleaming in the 4 a.m as the back of the lancer pulled away, i stood mesmerised at the quickness of it all, the smells, the sweat, the faux pas('s?), his amazement at the newly youthful man in the mirror, the fumbled attempt to kiss me goodbye. i half-smiled to myself. who doesnt love a man who makes u laugh?

THE CHALLENGE OF CHANGE

its officially confirmed-i expect too much from relatnships. im too demanding, i need a lil more than ur average boyfriend. i have intimacy issues, at the same time i want too much intimacy. and privacy. i give a fuck.

change is the bastard child of all sour-relationships. change is what clutters minds, and reduces needy boyfriends to cesspools of discomfort. why, why cant women remain the same? sometimes going out wt the same woman for three years can be the most disillutioning experience of ur life. in three years, the love of ur life wouldve changed a minimum of four personalities. if my calculations are right, the equation is :
N(p) = T + 1
where N(p) is the number of personalities changed
T= number of years invested in the relatnshp

u may think im drunk agen which i am. but that should not question-mark my arithematic. its a totally dependable system ive devised, after consulting wt others in long-tertm relatnshps, and careful observation of established relatnshps(married couples of 10, 15 and 20 yr anniversaries) the equation may not hold true after ten years, with the tendency being to cut down on personalities, but a sort of evolution into one personality that is a mixture of all personalities prebviously assumed miuns the one u met and fell in love with. be that as it may, inevitably, the woman u hold now is radically different from the one u asked out to coffee.

the bhagwat gita sez change is the only permanent law of nature, or something to that effect. psychologists agree that the huiman mind is constantly evolving, that no person is the same as they are twenty seconds ago. i give a fuck.

so u cant stop nature. so u cant help changing. too bad u didnt introduce me to all ur multiple personalities and the the 2000 new ones u plan to play host to, that first fateful evening at the bar. u didnt tell me, listen, im lad u like me but i will change. u didnt warn me that two-three years later we may not see eye-to-eye on things we vehemently agreed on the first time. u didnt tell me the things we thought together, the music we loved together, the ideologies we shared, OUR COMMON GROUND, the reasons i fell in love with u, would give away like earth under quake. i took for granted that u would be the same, and u nevr warned me that would change. three years later, im demanding and needy and expect too much. what makes me sad is not the unfairness of it all. what makes me sad is that i lost u.

what makes me sad is that i have more in common wt ur old friends than u do now. that they have more mind-space for my 'opinionated' opinions. that they still laugh at my jokes that are not funny anymore. that i can publish my thoughts and insecurities on the world wide web knowing fully well that u dont have time for my blog anymore.

i wonder if u realize im not judging u. that im not saying uve become a monster. maybe uve chnaged for the better. maybe ur cooler now, stronger, more mature. but i didnt care then, why would i care now. i loved u for better or for worse. i loved u for what u were.

ive alwyz thought parents who blame themselves (or take pride in) what their kids have become are stupid. ive alwyz thought kids are unique entities of their own, taht nurturing and parenting have nothing to do wit what they grow (up) into. what makes me sad however is that i feel responsible for losing u. im overwhelmed by a sense of failure at evry turn in the road u make. evry new gesture, designer-label and acqaintance reminds me of my inability to hold on to the real you. or what i percieved as the real you. i wonder if i repulsed u into changing. my loss will alwys be ur gain. ur gain however may not be our gain. that makes me sad.

maybe its too much to hope that u wont change. maybe im pushing u into corners, demanding constancy and permanency. but what u dont realize is im not. i dont like changes. period. but i can understand changes. i can nevr justify them for u, i can nevr compliment u on them, but i can understand. what i do demand is glimpses of you. the old you. not all the time, not evry two hours, but once in a while. id like to see the same old spark once in a while. maybe once in a week. or a month.two months. just something to re-assure me that ur still there, that ur not a completely differnt person, that ur values are still intact, that we can still laugh at things we used to make fun of. just once in a while. just a lil something i can hold on to. nothing much, a comment maybe, or a gesture. n i can fool myself that nothings changed.

HULLABOO OVER HUSAIN

umm..ive been looking arnd for m.f.husains infamous hindu paintings..finally found a link on archsters blog..this is it..http://www.sanatan.org/en/05/Protests/MFHusain...

after checking them out i cant help but wonder if ppl r missing the point a bit..ive alwyz thought of art (literature, paitnings, movies, anything) as being open to interpretation..heres a few that come to mind as i look at the paintings...

1. Naked Goddess Sita sitting on the tail of Naked Lord Hanuman-

first of all, there is no sexual imagery here..unless ive seriously missed out on something, u cant do it bum-to-bum...secondly, hanuman may not have actually carried sita on his tail in the epic..but hes shown holding a lit flame..n his pose indicates that they're fleeing from something or somebody..mebe husain meant that sita wld nevr have been freed if it werent for the help rendered by hanuman..he did set fire on his tail to burn down lanka or soemthing didnt he..? n rama definitly cldnt have made it to lanka on his own..

2. Lord Hanuman is portrayed naked and
with His genitals pointing towards a woman

ok technicalities first-hanuman's genetals are actually pointed awy from the woman if u notice carefully..secondly..there is a man behind the woman n they look like thyre havng fun..an allusion to hanuman's human qualities perhaps..?

3. A bull having sexual intercourse with Goddess Parvati
and Lord Shiva watching on the auspicious day of Shivratri

this one went completely over my head..! but there r quite a few images of animal-human interaction in hindu sculture..plus the bull is also a symbol of manhood n virility..fertility..and parvati being Woman..siva possibly blessing husbands wt sure-fire hard-ons on sivarathri..?

4. Goddess Durga in the nude having sexual intercourse with a tiger

this a wild one..but husain does seem to hav an uncanny sense of humor..as i understand it durga is the goddess of wrath and anger or somthng to the effect..? and the tiger, well it does bring to mind the original tiger of maharshtra-siv sena head honcho bal thackeray..the moral indignation of the goddess at religion being derided by pseudo hinduism perhaps..?

5. Goddess Lakshmi naked on Lord Ganesh’s head-

this is my favourite..the comment under the painting on the site sez : "According to the Science of Spirituality Goddess Lakshmi is the Goddess of Wealth while Lord Ganesh represents that function of God that translates our prayers from the language of sound that humans speak in to the language of light that deities converse in and vice versa."...a crass commentry on the commercialisation of religion today mr.husain..? how even the gods dont seem to understand wt we say without hefty donations to temples and expensive pujas..? or the very fact that religion, or the language of the gods is the most lucrative religion today..? how the sai babas and ammas have promised much divinity in return for what i can only call a whole lot of money..

6. Goddess Saraswati Who is the Goddess of knowledge playing a veena
(a type of Indian musical instrument)

there is a fish and a peacock by saraswati..whos playing a veena..art is the centre of life and is a symbol of enlightenment(knowledge)..? ahem..

maybe my interpretations r wearing a bit thin..but theres definitly more to the paintings than the nudity and the sexual inuendo wch is all that the moral police seems to have noticed..the hilarious part is that the writer expresses resentment over husain painting his mother and daughter fully clothed..how many of us paint our moms or kids nude anyway..? besides hindu mythology is conspicuosly full of nude women, i hate to say..half the time in ellora i cursed myself for wearing boxers..besides muslim religion does have a stirct dress code for women..so understandably..

sexual undercurrents hav alwys been used in art..esp painters..and there is an obvious effort to paint a human face to the deities..so im guessing painting them nude made them seem that much more accessible..not necessarily an attempt to deride hindu gods or culture but a sort of demythifical cum social commentry..

p.s. none of this indicates my appreciation for husains artistic ability..its a lil hard to take an 80 yr old man who fantasizes over madhuri dixit very seriosuly..gajagamini was a disaster..but art is and should be open to interpretation..

THE MUSIC AND THE MISERY

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"
-Rob, High Fidelity

p.s. high fidelity is one of my all time favourite novels mainly bcoz the guy in it reminds me a lot of me. High fidelity the movie however i hated mainly bcoz the guy just reminded me too much of me, and I didnt wanna be that guy. amazing how much difference visual representation cn make huh.

p.s2 john cusak who plays rob is also one of my fav actors coz hes such a niche actor..hes subtle and businesslike and understated ... my fav cusak movies (in no particular order)r :

1. serendipity (mushy me! serendipity is also my favourite word, i spent hours looking for songs wt the word in the title onilne and download them)
2. the grifters-(coz i wanted to become a con artist thru ages 8-18, and a gangsta ages 19-20..some part of me still does hehe but im not cut out for it..too much concience..oh n i loved the oedipus angle in the movie..)
3. runaway jury-(its originally a john grisham novel, once agen cusaks ability to understate stands out in gold)
4. identity-(lot of ppl thought it got predictable towrds the end but kept dumb me guessing till the very end..plus i can nevr tire of psycho-movies)
5. con air-(not really a cusak movie per se, plays a very small part in it, but the movie was a childhood favourite..yes, boys will be boys..)

WHY WHISKY IS THE MAN'S DRINK

first of all i only expect actual drinkers to understnd wt im trying to say here..so if ur one of those party-farty tequila shooting faggots dont evn bother reading this..wow that felt good..
ok..so i think that whisky (n water, not coke, homos!)is the ultimate and the one n only man's drink..a true drinking man's drink..this is true because it is true..theres no other explaination to it..only whiskey can make u feel like it does..just so manly n ready to fight all 5 rockys and terminator ..this is not to gloss over how it tastes..is there a better treat for the taste buds than that first sip of whiskey n ice+water (or soda, i guess)? true deee-light right there..
as for other drinks..anything thats drunk wt pineapple or orange juice or sprite or tonic cannot evn be considered as serious alcohol... so u'll tell me siberian hunters drink vodka..but they wear FUR man..any guy who wears fur cant possibly be taken seriously..besides russians speak funny..as for rum..rum goes wt coke..n tastes like nothing..so rum is like a lowly cousin of whisky at best..tho i hav to say its far better than vodka or gin simply bcoz its not transparent in colour atleast..drinking is a dark activity people..its not a party game..though it helps all the time..but thats besides the point..i was recently in cochin at my cuzzins place n theyre all heavy brandy drinkers..wen i say heavy i mean they drink gallons in one sitting..and i like the way it tastes too..brandys pretty cool i guess..but id hav to put it at a far away second place to whisky bcoz cmon its called BRAndy..wt kinda man-drink is called BRA-ndy??
id have to omit of course all kindsof expensive thingys like scotch n cognac n the rest mainly coz awesome as they r, theyre burgeoise drinks.theyre rich man drinks..n alcohol has no class constraints...ive alwyz had most fun drinking in the most cheeri of vine shops in chennai..thats the real drinking experience for u..people passing out on tables..puke on the floor..somebodybreaking bottles somewhere..tamil koothu songs wch i dont really get blaring from cheap speakers..evryone-NRI college students and auto drivers and hen-pecked husbands and 'mamas' alike-all under one roof celebrating the magic that is alcoholism..we've all had a hard day or a hard life n evrybdy just wants to vent..to pass out n die..no need to evn mention that all the heavy drinkers here -the men who do actual men's work, rickshaw pullers n labourers n petty criminals-all down whiskeys and whiskeys only..wt an egg (half-boiled, they call it, how i miss that life) or some beef fry or pickle or wtvr..thanni n 'touchings'..!! those were the days..

DESPERATELY SEEKING VENUS

this is actually an after-thought i had after reading 50paise's comment..i havnt really thought this thru..im just gonna expand as i type..50paise said :"you seem to be givin birth to a new blog evrydy" or somthng to that effect..the first thing that struck me was that it was an extremely funny thing to say..next came..wow, this is the closest ill come to actually havng a baby..i mean fatherhood must be awesome (or miserable, in the case of my dad) but the actual process of giving birth-of being responsible for bodily bringing new life into this world- can never possibly be understood fully in all its implications n joy by a man..or a woman who hasnt actually delivered a baby right..? i mean u carry this living breathing lil bundle in ur womb for nearly ten months, then u contract n relax and push n pull n swear n pray n cry thru an incredible ten-thirteen hours in the anti-septic confines of a labour room and out comes a baby..not that id want to go thru that but hell, it must be awesome..what a curious mixture of pain and pleasure it must be..this then, this privilege n honour that women have monopolised since time immorial is what we spend our lives trying to taste a fraction of..artists, writers, musicians, we're all fellow travellers in that journey..the only destination we seek is that of the joy of creation..most of us not even aware of what it is we are actually craving but all of us led by that most natural of jealousies..knowing fully well that we will nevr quite achieve what it is we are after but looking, looking..trying to create life and beauty thru the canvases we paint, the words we write, the songs we sing..all in a desperate bid to create..to feel what it must really be like to be a woman..Mother..
its the only reason sterile economists and self-sufficient m.b.a.s and roguish politicians all break into song in the shower, or tap their feet to a lost melody or doodle on scrap paper or talk to thier plants..because in the end, the most natural of our instincts is maternal..its our first collective memory..the warmth of a bosom, the tender touch of a loving hand to ur bruised knee, cajoles and hugs and the smell of sundays' chicken biriyani..its also what we all aspire to become..atleast on some hidden level ..we struggle through most of adolescence n adulthood trying in vain to fill papa's shoes because ur mother seems to love him so..then u actually try to be her..to feel what she feels..
i wonder if its more personal than that..i wonder if we all want to be our own mothers..or do we just want the illusion of motherhood in general? probably the latter..i certainly belive that u subconciously look for ur mother in ur woman..the one ud like to settle down with anyway..which is just another way of ensuring ur proximity to ur mother isnt it..and i think women know we do that..which must be why in evry relationship, the woman plays the maternal role atleast at some point..the real question is: is having a girlfriend or wife our way of dejectedly settling for second-best? once we realize its quite impossible to actually BE Mother..? probably so..but we continue to try..drawing and writing and making tunes..when all we really want is a uterus..

God, have Mercy. Give me Grace.

what is god's(the christian version) stand on sex? why do catholic priests take the oath of celibacy? was the celebate life of jesus supposed to be a model to be emulated?(mary magdelene theory not withstanding)i think, yes. god seems certainly like a spoil-sport iron-pants kinda guy who would say stuff like sex is evil.totally. heres why.
forget faith-related inhibitions and look at the bible as literature for a second.i know its not easy for the painfully religious, but im not trying to be blasphemic here, think of it as a reading exercise in english class. ok now i gave my dad the same condition and asked him what he finds most difficult to digest in the bible-not hard to believe, but repulsive to ur moral or intellectual senses. my father went down cliche road and admitted wt a great deal of reluctance that transifuguration was a bit hard to take. i can see wht hes saying but thats not really reading exercise material, ur talking about what the holy communion stands for and i dont wish to venture down that unholy road. not right now.
but i will tell u what i find most insulting to my morality-the immaculate conception.i think and i think and i break my head thinking and im stumped. why? why does mother mary have an immaculate conception? if jesus was supposed to be the son of man, then why, why was jesus not concieved like other normal men? u realize its not just a divine prerogative thats working here, god didnt think, shit i'll spare poor mary some labour pain, coz im assuming that still happened. immaculate or not, it has to hurt pushing babies out of ur body.so god let a poor woman go thru wt cld possibly be the most harrowing physical torture known to man( in a fucking manger, surrounded by barn animals and a bunch of shepherds,no less) but he didnt let her concieve like normal people. oh no. not only did mother mary remain virgin mary, (yeah yeah, jesus had brothers, whatever, the bible doesnt say so does it?)she was also accussed or near-suspected of being a loose woman by mr.joseph himself on first hearing about the friggin baby his platonic reltnshp wt his wife-to-be had yielded. so good old god, creator and protector of mankind, and resident mr.do-good actually let a woman suffer the worst kind of ignominy,and placed a question mark on her integrity just so lil baby jesus could come out screaming in holy glee, genes divined to perfection. (we're talking jewish village of 2000 odd years ago, gossip spreads like AIDS in africa)a son of man too good for human d.n.a??apparently. that would just be too risky wouldnt it, what wt baldness and diabetes n all handed down over generatns.
what exactly is god trying to say here? why such a heavy price on a good woman's name, just so the son of man could be born without man really getting down to the job at hand? there can only be one answer. god hates sex. god probably thought sex was dirty n menial, probably the kind of guy who sits down n pees so he doesnt have to touch the dirty lil thing. well bugger u too.
the whole idea is repugnant if u ask me. ur possibly taking away the most beautiful moment of our lives, putting immaculate babies in our women's bellies. if god wants to see humans being humans, peek into our bedrooms. seriosuly, are we evr more human? that, right there, 2 (or 3 if ur lucky, more if ur vijay mallya)people in absolute complete rapture, that is what being human is all about. its the one thing that binds all humanity together- linguistic, racial, professional, differences dont mean anything in ur bedroom- evrybody talks this language, and we quite enjoy it, thank you. if being a nice person means wearing celebacy-robes and talking pseudo-spiritual bullshit, then i dont think any of us will be needing that tag. we dont have cloudy cushioned comfort, and naked angels waiting on us hand and foot, putting grapes in our mouths. we work our ass off just gettinmg thru the day, we bleed and sweat and piss and cry and do a whole bunch of things that may not seem extremely godly in la-la-land, but this is home. we are home, and we are being ourselves, and we are good people trying to make the best of evrythng thats been given to us. all of us, evrybody, from nuclear scientists to osama bin laden, we're all good people because we sweat. we live by the sweat of our brow, we hav to work to make things work, we hav to slog to put food on the table, we cant just magically change water into wine, or convert 5 fish fries into a thoussand. thats because we're human, a condition god may not be familiar wt, judging by his son-of-man prototype. but we are, and we have our faults and we have our differences, but in the end we're not all that different. because after a hard day, we all want to come back home to the arms of people we love, we all need a kind word and a hug, we need our safe places where nothing can affect us, not poverty, not hunger, not death. and if thats too un-holy for god, so be it. what is he going to do? send another earthquake our way? oh wait thats already been done. plague? done. tempest? done. war, death, misery, epidemics?? check, check, check,check. guess what, its all been done. we've been harassed and molested and ill-treated all our lives, weve lost brothers and sisters and friends to this crap, and im sick of it. who needs eternal salavtion anway? id rather have the love of a good woman any day. happy fucking valentines day.

THE LAST OF THE TECHNOPHILE MONOLOGUES?!

hellow hellow hellow is anyboduy out there..??? god this is getting increasingluy irritating..i know its uncool to care but its so frustrating that nobody seems to read my blog..this is no different from getting stoned on the terrace and screaming at the sky..atleast thats more of a stress-buster..i actually feel good after that..blogging is just painfull..i pour my heart out n nobody gives a fuck n its like i suck even more than pre-post..maybe i should tack up some porn on my blog..or hand out prizes..but i have no money for prizes and i dont know html to tackup porn..erotic literature anyone? but i cant even write anymore..life sucks..

HENNESSY, HYPOCRISY AND HONESTY

im: post-shower and morning-minty
listening to: marcy playground-sex and candy

marcy playground is one of the most unjustly criticized bands of our time..theyve been called 'post-grunge', theyve been called 'one--hit-wonders', theyve evn been called 'posers' regardng an album cover controversy i dont qwanna get into right now..wt i do know howevr is that theyre an awesome band..they're as grunge as any of their seattle contemporaries but i doubt they care for classifications or brandnaming, as made obvious wen they refused to tour for their last album MP3 bcoz they were too 'bored'..theyre a band thats truly abt music n whts truly refreshing abt them is how chilled out their sound is..its like typically early 90s diryty guitars played wt the musical equivalent of cricketing soft hands..theres so much imagery in their songs its unblvable..the guys a fucking post-modern dylan in terms of lyricism.,.and evry albums been differnet..they dont stick to the same formula and rehash their one hit song over n over agen but evolve ..they dont evn explain away their commercial failure as 'experimental music' wch is the best part about the...enough abt them..more abt me now..bcoz they obvsly dont giv a fuck abt me n somdby has to talk abt me right..last few days hav been a real mess wt with all my pent up frustration catchng up n metamorphosizinginto stealing a bottle of hennesy cogniac from my dads stash..me n fatboi had a real nice time drinkin the thing..i cn honestly say its the best drink ive had evr..smoooth n evry lil sip is one step away from permanent bliss..its an experience for connossieurs..not somethng for shitty teeny-boppers who'll drink anythng n evrythng for one wild nite..as u cn see im growing up..a bit..now the songs chnaged to turn ur lights down low-bob marley n lauryn hill..the mix..wch is agen an extremely chilled out song..whreres my beach towel..im ready to hit the beach..as for life..well ive quit my job..actually ive just not gone to work in some days ..i dont know if they realize ive quit..maybe they think im just on another binge..ill have to face up to it though soon coz i hav to ask for my pay last month..god i hate confrontation..i almost made my mind up to tell the boss im quitting last day..i just cldnt bring myself to do it though u know..it felt like a break up..n i hate break ups..why cnt i just sms n quit like i do wt break-ups..for the person involved i just wanna b dead forever n evr aftr i break up..no meeting agen, no calls, none of that im stuill ur best friend bullshit..wch is all crap anywy.. anybdy who does tt is just absolutely clingy or ur using the person..ur thinking in case i dont meet anyone else this guys my buffer..well im too nice to do shit like that..id nevr take someone for granted like that..oh no no buffers for me i can tell u that much..goodbye is goodbye..wt else wt else..oh yeah im going on a wierd houseboat trip wt mom, pop n sis on friday..on the infinite greens of aleppy backwaters no less..im gonna b so fucking stressed out wt with no smoking, no drinking, no nothing plus absolute lack of privacy..obviously evryones gonna want to sit around n bond..obviously im gonna b the centre of attention..wts ur plan? where do u wanan apply for p.g? why the hell did u quit work? are u still homo? god so many questions..n i dont evn feel like being wit people rt now..i mean i dont evn like people that much..people are messy, n needy n self-contradictory n stuffy n generally misunderstand me wch really pisses me off..oh n i wrote ths really cool story(i thought) wch im relaly happy about..n i gave it to like few people to read but as alwys only yam came through for me but im really glad she did..i think she gets me more than most ppl n she doesnt getme at all so its just ths huge fucking conundrum really but its nice hw she n i hav this thing going..shes pretty sweet yam is..yest i found ths really cool blog..some guy in states whoz actually from pakistan.,.n i thought his blog was brilliantly cool coz well he's on abt a lot of stuff that im too..though hes 31 n im hoping im not still fucked up at 31 coz that would just be loserish wldnt it..i like it im not gonna crack..i miss u im not gonna crack..i love u im not gonna crack..ill kill u im not gonna craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackkkkk.....

ps-i have no idea wt metamorphosizing means but it sounded right..